Hair Today, Gone tomorrow

My hair has started falling out in big pieces the last few days. It's a weird feeling, like when you really need to wash your hair or when it hasn't been rinced properly. It's a strange sensation just seeing it in your hands but my hair is just hair- it will grow back.

I'm "lucky" to have seen my mom go through the same experience a few months ago and she has explained the weird tingly sensation your scalp gets. Plus I don't fear baldness as much because I have seen her without hair for nearly 6 months now and she's still my mom, just like I will still be me!

The wig people are going to come in tomorrow to show me some wigs and once I pick one I'm happy to just shave it all off at this stage- it's more distressing seeing it everywhere now.

Clare got me some cool head scarves online so thats great to have. Most people don't wear anything in here because it's too hot but it will be handy for night when my head is bound to get cold and for at home, when I do get home.

The amount of people who have been emailing me prayers and good wishes is amazing, school friends, college friends and of course my closest friends and Family.

I worry about Stephen sometimes because I am getting all of this love and support and I can only imagine what it's like for him to go home and actually sit down and think that this is really happening. I know if it was the other way round I would be a mess but he is being so amazing- coming in every day. Sometimes I'm too tired to talk so he just sits there happily. He is really amazing. He brought in pictures of all our trips we're been on and I have them stuck up in the room. Aoife got us a beautiful framed picture from her wedding too and that really made my day.

Other than the hair falling out there is little happening. They are letting my blood hit rock bottom after my chemo, which I have finished round 1 of. They let it go to its lowest so that hopefully it's killing all the bad cells. Then they begin to try build it back up so that I can go home for a few days.

My appetite has returned- last week all I could handle was ice cubes and dry cream crackers but the last few days I've had lots to eat which they are happy about. It seems silly to have been worrying about your weight and food before all this! Who really cares as long as you're healthy!

Missing work a lot. They sent me in Abbey News Weekly which I LOVED! It gives me all the news and one of the nurses went to see Bookworms last week so had a chat with her about it. That was great because it's important to remember what you love doing and for me working in Development there was the best job.

Anyway thats all my news- I'm listening to an amazing CD Eoin made for me- it's bloody great, thanks Eoin xx

Lots and lots of love and hugs

M
xx