Hair Today, Gone tomorrow

My hair has started falling out in big pieces the last few days. It's a weird feeling, like when you really need to wash your hair or when it hasn't been rinced properly. It's a strange sensation just seeing it in your hands but my hair is just hair- it will grow back.

I'm "lucky" to have seen my mom go through the same experience a few months ago and she has explained the weird tingly sensation your scalp gets. Plus I don't fear baldness as much because I have seen her without hair for nearly 6 months now and she's still my mom, just like I will still be me!

The wig people are going to come in tomorrow to show me some wigs and once I pick one I'm happy to just shave it all off at this stage- it's more distressing seeing it everywhere now.

Clare got me some cool head scarves online so thats great to have. Most people don't wear anything in here because it's too hot but it will be handy for night when my head is bound to get cold and for at home, when I do get home.

The amount of people who have been emailing me prayers and good wishes is amazing, school friends, college friends and of course my closest friends and Family.

I worry about Stephen sometimes because I am getting all of this love and support and I can only imagine what it's like for him to go home and actually sit down and think that this is really happening. I know if it was the other way round I would be a mess but he is being so amazing- coming in every day. Sometimes I'm too tired to talk so he just sits there happily. He is really amazing. He brought in pictures of all our trips we're been on and I have them stuck up in the room. Aoife got us a beautiful framed picture from her wedding too and that really made my day.

Other than the hair falling out there is little happening. They are letting my blood hit rock bottom after my chemo, which I have finished round 1 of. They let it go to its lowest so that hopefully it's killing all the bad cells. Then they begin to try build it back up so that I can go home for a few days.

My appetite has returned- last week all I could handle was ice cubes and dry cream crackers but the last few days I've had lots to eat which they are happy about. It seems silly to have been worrying about your weight and food before all this! Who really cares as long as you're healthy!

Missing work a lot. They sent me in Abbey News Weekly which I LOVED! It gives me all the news and one of the nurses went to see Bookworms last week so had a chat with her about it. That was great because it's important to remember what you love doing and for me working in Development there was the best job.

Anyway thats all my news- I'm listening to an amazing CD Eoin made for me- it's bloody great, thanks Eoin xx

Lots and lots of love and hugs

M
xx

The ward itself

The ward here is a special ward for 21 people who have a similar thing to me, it's the only unit in Ireland I think. It's weird looking, each section has two doors that need to each open and close before another one opens-it's all meant to protect against infection. My room is the same, it has a small area before you go it to the room for people to wash their hands and wear an apron thing to protect me against bad fashion/germs!

Each room has it's own air conditioning system, I can't open the door or window and I can only leave the ward for tests. I have to wear a mask when leaving my room because the chemo has killed all my cells.

I had a tube put into my chest last week to help me get my treatment easier but unfortunately it started to get an infection so they had to take it out on Tuesday. I got a smaller one put into my arm yesterday.

I forgot to mention Wednesday was Stephens birthday. I wasn't feeling well at all- the chemo was kicking my butt but Adam came to the rescue and got a card for me to sign. I know his family had pizza and cake and his aunt took a picture of him blowing out the candles! All the nurses were lovely and wished him a happy Birthdy too.

I'm just watching Wife Swap- Its so crap- one family worship plants!Honest to God!

Anyway keep me in your thoughts and prayers
Mairéad

From the start I guess

I haven't been feeling to well for about 6 weeks now. I went to London the
week after my birthday and just got this awful headache that wouldnt go away. I
was really tired too so we just took it wasy in London because I just wanted
feeling myself.

When we came home I gave it another week and went to my GP who thought it
was a sinus infection but the pain was so constant and intense that I went for
an MRI and bloodtests myself. You know when you know that something just isnt
reight-thats why I really persued it. I just didnt feel myself.

Anyway to cut more doctors and tests out of the story my GP did more bloods
and phoned me saying something wasnt right with my blood Wednesday two weeks ago
and I went straight into hospital on the Friday morning. I was transferred to
James on the monday morning where they did a bone marrow but at that stage we
kind of knew they werent looking for anything else.

On Monday night the doctor confirmed I have accute Leukemia with both
traits of the AML and ALL classes.

The whole family is completely in shock as I'm sure some of you know my mom
has been battling breast cancer since December.

I have to stay in hospital which is both a good and bad thing, I hate
being stuck in a room all day long but I know it is to protect me from
infecction. Soome days I feel really really positive, in fact most days I do but
today I just feel really sad and angry that this is happening.

I have deciced to write a blog because I want to keep you all involved in
my progression and treatment and I am OVERWHELMED by the amount of support that
its too hard to text and phone you all, all the time!

I know I can do this its just going be hard but hopefully this blog can be
benificial to both me and you all.

Lots of love,

Mairéad